Returning Home to My Body
Moving from escapism to nourishment in my movement practice
Until I discovered Human Design, I used my movement practice as a means to escape myself.
My body did not feel like a safe home. I always felt as though there was something within me I was running away from.
In general in our society, physical activity, sport, and movement are seen as healthy coping mechanisms. They are seen as a way to process emotions, blow off steam, and take a step back from the worries and pressures of life. While I agree to a certain extent, also I think that movement as a form of numbing has become normalized. I think that, too often, what we call a healthy coping strategy is actually a form of escapism.
When I discovered Human Design and learned more about my true nature, so much shifted for me. It was a massive “line in the sand” moment. I immediately understood that a lot of the behaviours I was calling “healthy” were, in fact, super unhealthy for me personally. I could no longer ignore all of the signs and symptoms of my body. I could no longer deny that my movement practice was not bringing me into healthy alignment within myself; It was, in fact, doing exactly the opposite. I could certainly not ignore what my chart was telling me: It was right there, written in plain English, absolutely undeniable. I immediately knew what I needed to do.
I cancelled my summer racing plans. Dropped off of the national ski mountaineering team. Moved out of the mountain town where I had been living and training for the last 5 years. Tore up my training plans. Lay in bed for a couple of weeks. Walked instead of ran, for awhile. Cried, a lot.
All of that happened within the space of a couple of months after learning about Human Design. It was that one moment that changed everything for me. I giggle sometimes when I think about what that must have looked like to friends, team mates and other people who knew me at the time. It was a complete 180 degree shift of priorities and lifestyle. I’m sure some of them thought I’d completely lost my mind! (Which is funny, because in a way I HAD completely lost my mind… or at least moved my mind out of the driver’s seat and into the passenger’s seat, where it belongs according to one of the basic tenets of Human Design.)
Of course, the untangling of deeply engrained patterns took longer than a couple of months. It took five years of experimenting with creating a movement practice that is in alignment with my Human Design chart, and letting go of all “not-self” patterns standing in the way of that, to feel as though I truly arrived at a movement practice that brought me home within my body. It took me five years to release and disentangle those familiar patterns of escapism and of using exercise as a means of running away from myself and abandoning my body.
At that point, I knew I was ready to teach some of the wisdom I had gathered in those five years from my own personal experiences, from my client work, and from observing my family and friends. That’s when I wrote the Made to Move Guidebook. I finally felt like I had some authority to speak on this topic, and that I had something valuable I could share with others.
Another year has passed since then, and I have now been experimenting with my Human Design chart for six years. A good sign is that in the last year, my movement practice has not changed all that much. I know that it will shift and evolve as I do, through different stages of life while I have different demands on my energy. But I have a feeling that the pillars of my movement practice will remain the same for many years to come. And the principles behind those pillars - the ones written into my genetic code - are with me for life. I am infinitely grateful to have an understanding of those principles, so that I can stay in my own lane and not compare my movement regime to anyone else’s. So that I can stay connected to my inner wisdom, rather than the latest trend in the health and fitness industry. So that I can use my movement practice as a means to come home to myself, to nurture myself, and to care for myself and my precious health in a way that is real and true.
Shifting my movement practice in this way unlocked something within me that I did not even realize was possible. I didn’t realize that it was possible to feel so nurtured, cared for, and at home within my own body. I didn’t realize there would come a day when I didn’t feel the need to escape, where I felt welcomed to bring my fullest and most true self to all that I show up for in my day.
There was a time about a year before I discovered Human Design, in 2018, where I was getting more into meditation and connecting on a deeper level to myself. I remember being all into all kinds of different practices - writing down my dreams, receiving psychic messages, meditating, pulling cards, etc. - and feeling a real sense of connection to my body and my soul. But then, I would go out and do my training for the day: Running and skiing up and down mountains; Interval training; Intense gym workouts; 2-3 hour races, etc. At that time, I noticed a massive discrepancy between those two sides of myself. I noticed that I was tuning in with my body at certain times for my specific spiritual practices, but then completely tuning out my body’s messages in order to get through my training and racing and to excel in sport. I consciously knew something wasn’t feeling right and wasn’t matching up, but I didn’t know exactly why. I kept going with my rigorous training and racing schedule, which fed my ego’s needs but left my body completely abandoned. As I said, it wasn’t until I discovered Human Design that I was no longer able to tolerate the discrepancy, because I could not ignore what was written in my chart in plain language.
Today, I feel so grateful I had that “line-in-the-sand” moment. I’m so grateful that Human Design slapped me in the face so hard, I had no choice but to whip around and listen. I truly believe that if I had continued what I was doing, I would have experienced very severe health issues in the not-so-distant future. As I’ve mentioned before, I was already suffering from gut issues, menstrual irregularity, frequent injuries, frequent colds, and frequent flu-like symptoms (which were most likely my body’s signs of burnout, not an actual flu virus). I shudder to think about where I would be today if I had kept going the way I was going for another six years. My body was yelling at me in 2019 when I discovered Human Design and started to move in a way that is more aligned for me. If I had not done that, I’m positive my body would have screamed and roared, which may have looked like a very severe illness or injury.
Human Design is not science-fiction. It is not a fun story, nor a party trick. It is a real, tangible way of understanding our unique genetic code. I’ve been working with Human Design for the last six years, both in my own life and with clients, and not a day has passed in those six years where I have not been absolutely awestruck by the accuracy and practical applicability of this knowledge. I believe that so much of the suffering we see in our world could be eradicated if we all knew our designs and applied them intelligently to our lives. I believe that everyone’s physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health would improve substantially.
That’s why I’m so passionate about the work that I do. I’ve seen it change lives. I’ve felt it change my own life in ways I can’t fully express.
At whatever level you take your Human Design journey - at whatever level you allow it to penetrate into the core of your being and permeate your life - it is my hope that this knowledge and its application brings you just a little bit closer to home within yourself. I’m here to tell you that this is a possibility that is available to you, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. It may be a slow journey, but it’s definitely worth it.
Our souls chose to incarnate into our bodies, after all. May as well settle into our beautiful homes, and stay awhile.
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